The Past always comes back to haunt us

Neal knew that he wouldn't be getting much sleep again tonight, which wasn't un-usual for him. If anything he preferred just standing out and looking at the stars from his balcony. Sleep had always alluded him anyway, ever since Neverland.

He found his thoughts wandering as he stood out here, and, Neal wasn't sure what to do with all of them. Neal looked down at his hands, as he felt his heart aching due to where most of his thoughts were directed from. His father, and, everything that the abandonment had led to. Neal had just wanted his papa, but, it definitely hadn't worked out that way.

Hearing that voice, Neal sighed softly. Speak of the devil. Neal came out of his thoughts as he turned towards the window. He didn't want to say yes to it, but, he also knew that he might as well let his father stand next to him. Neal kept his glance out to the scene below, before looking back at his father. “Um, sure papa.” Neal said, moving over slightly to give space between them on the balcony.

Neal kept his gaze out to the view of New York, as he heard his father attempt to make his way onto the balcony. He remembered how his papa's leg was affected for as long as he'd known, knowing it had to do with the Ogre War his papa was sent off to while he was born. Neal felt the un-easiness in his heart, as his papa was now next to him. He still wasn't ready to be close to his father again, but, he wasn't going to stop him from standing there.

His papa's words caused him to lower his head “No, I wasn't able to sleep. Warm milk and cinnamon, I haven't had that in a long time. I'm not sure it would still work, I haven't been able to get a proper good night's sleep in years.” Neal said, lowering his head. He wanted to tell his papa everything that had happened to him, exactly what he went through from the moment he went through that portal. And the exact reason why he didn't want his hugs or his compassion and apologies.

Neal wasn't sure what to say to the next comment of his father's. The sadness was obvious on his face as he looked up at him. “Why are you saying this now? I waited years for you to come and find me, and, for you to come back. But, you never did.” Neal paused, and, blinked back tears as he looked back into the apartment at Henry with Emma. “And I may need Henry. But, I don't... I don't need you anymore.”

Neal didn't care if his papa was shocked, it was just how he felt. He had grown up feeling unwanted and unimportant, and, his papa needed to know that. Hating his papa had been easy, and, nothing would ever change that. He knew that his papa would have something to say about that, but, he wasn't sure he wanted to hear it.

Glancing out to the balcony, Neal rested his palms on the bar, before looking down and blinking back tears. His papa was not allowed to make him still feel like this, it had been way too long, and, he didn't get to come back now. Glancing up to the sky, Neal ran his fingers around the crystal that hung on his neck, the last real thing his papa had given him. He had family inside his apartment, but, as for outside of it. He couldn't care less anymore. Glancing into the apartment, he smiled softly as he saw both Emma and Henry sleeping on the couch. That was the family he wanted, not the father standing next to him who left him behind.

Hearing his papa's voice, Neal just kept his head lowered as he stayed looking out to New York. He glanced back quickly and looked at what was around his neck, he was right, but, it didn't change anything. “It's all well and good saying that you made a mistake, but, it doesn't change anything in the end. So you broke everything and ruined the lives of all of those innocent people, just to fix your mistake? You weren't the only one with haunting nightmares, and, seeing faces of people you really love not wanting you. Don't even pretend like you understand how I feel. After we seperated, I didn't have anything but, the clothes on my back from that day. You had your power, magic, and, an entire land of people still begging, and, willing to give you anything for your help. Once you actually do lose all of that, then you can tell me that you know how I feel. Until then, don't try to convince me of that. Don't try telling me that you love me, and, that you're sorry. Because it's not going to be good enough this time.”

Neal had so much that he wanted to say to his papa, and, now he was finally getting the chance to on some level. Even if it wasn't exactly what he had in mind.

“Of course I didn't want you to die. The point was for us to be together. How could they have gotten their revenge, we would've been far away from all the enemies that you made. That was the point of the bean. But, you can't go back can you papa? You can't change anything. Whether you love me or not is not the point. The point is, you abandoned me, broke your promise and chose to hold onto that dagger instead of me. You can't do that, and, then play the 'I love you' card, and, expect things to be like they once were. I never managed to forget about you either papa, no matter how often I wanted to. How am I possibly supposed to believe that?”

Resting his hands on the bar of the balcony, Neal felt the tears wanting to fall from his eyes again. “What can you provide me with? I told you I didn't need anything in the way of things. That hasn't changed. That's the problem, I don't belong anywhere anymore. I told you I don't want magic, I don't want any of that stuff. The only thing I wanted is something I'm not sure I even want anymore.”